Posted by Grace Bonney of Design*Sponge
As our wedding draws closer and closer (Hooray!) I’m most excited to start working on small details like table decorations, favors, and outdoor decorations, not only because they’re fun and relatively low pressure (nothing will seem stressful compared to the dress battle) but because I’ll get to work on them with my bridal party.
The formation of my bridal party has been one of the most interesting learning experiences I’ve had during the process planning our wedding, so I thought I’d share the story of its creation over the past six months. Like everything else, it’s been a lesson about learning to listen to myself, and not necessarily what books and traditions say.
As I explained before, I wasn’t one of those girls who dreamed about their wedding day when they were 7 years old. I always figured I’d wing it when the big day came. And true to form, when it came to thinking of my bridal party I initially decided to just skip it in favor of just standing next to Aaron.
But then people started to weigh in and the next thing I knew I was being asked to consider people I hadn’t seen in years. What’s a girl to do? Have a bridal party of 25 and please everyone who has an opinion? Skip the party all together and go toe to toe with just the groom? For me, I decided that I should pick the one person that had been my closest, longest and most trusted friend over the past 10 years—my good friend Bryan.
This being 2009, I figured the decision to have a “man” of honor would be a relatively benign one but of course, like most other things in the wedding, people decided that they needed to give me their two cents. I heard a lot of “What, is he going to wear, a dress?” It took most of my energy not to smack those people, so it was a good thing that my immediate family and friends were supportive and excited that I was choosing someone I felt was the best person to be there.
So in addition to Bryan and my fiance’s sister, I thought I was totally tapped out at two people. It sounded like a nice even number and like the perfect number of people to have to my left.
But then as the days went by I realized that I had two good friends that I couldn’t possibly leave out—one was someone I talked to regularly, and the other was someone I talked to occasionally but felt just as close to. So I invited everyone to join the bridal party, sent an email and called it a day, laughing at myself for having such a large bridal party. Four people? I thought I was totally approaching bridezilla territory.
Then, a month or so later I started really regretting not inviting a new friend I’d only known for a year or so. I had stupidly let people’s opinions about “only inviting friends I’d known for most of my life to be a part of the bridal party” affect me and told myself and that if I asked this new friend she might think I was a weirdo because we hadn’t known each other that long. But I realized that when I thought of the big day I was thinking of her as part of the party to my left—how could she not be? I thought I would be officially nutty for having five people next to me (especially after I told everyone I knew that I didn’t even want a bridal party) but then one day while looking at ideas for tabletop decorations I realized she was the person I most want to run a few ideas by. So I stopped, laughed at myself, and emailed her to have lunch and invite her to be a bridesmaid. Why had I let such a silly rule about who you should and shouldn’t invite get to me?
After I asked her to be part of the bridal party I felt a sigh of relief, like I’d finally figured out some equation that had been slightly off—that’s when I knew the party was complete. Rules, traditions, and opinion-givers didn’t matter any more—I’d decided to stick to what felt right for me and it felt great.
image courtesy of J. Crew
Now even though I feel like a huge princess for having five people next to me (I’ve now surpassed Aaron’s bridal party—ack!) I know that when I look to my left the friends who matter most to me will be there. New and old, long-distance and local standing next to each other. It’s the perfect group of people and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
