Dress Code

One of my bridesmaids thinks she looks terrible in the color dress I chose for her to wear to my wedding and is making quite a fuss. Must I change things just for her, or should she stop complaining and just wear the gown?

If it were a question of your bridesmaid popping out of the halter you had your heart set on her wearing, or the gown being too expensive, then I'd say take her comments into consideration and think about choosing a different style of dress. But the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter that she looks sallow in pale yellow—you've already planned your favors, centerpieces, tablecloths, etc. around this color. I say stand your ground. Tell her you're sorry she feels that way, but that is the color you've chosen; if she continues to have a problem with that, give her the opportunity to bow out of your party. I would also make her aware of the message she's sending to you. A good friend would realize that what she looks like on your wedding day is completely irrelevant, and she should be willing to put your wants and needs first on this day.

Comments

[Nancy]

And yet you wore white to a wedding you were not the bride in.

The advice you gave in the post above is terrible and arrogant and is the reason for the coining of the word bridezilla. A true friend is not such a b-tch and maybe the bride needs to realize she is not being a true friend by forcing her bridesmaids to look and feel hideous.

[amber]

I think there's gotta be some middle ground! I can't wait for the day when matching bridesmaids are old skool, and the cool thing is people who have their friends stand up there just because they're good friends, not because they need to contribute to the color palette.

[alyssa]

I suggest trying different shades of a color. Once you have a color pallet chosen, it's really difficult to have to accomodate every bridesmaid- especially with a large bridal party. Try shades of pink or shades of blues and greens, or yellows that go into oranges or golds. Simple Silhouettes offers a huge range of shades and colors and makes it a lot easier. Plus their fabrics are all silk for the same price as a dresses made of plastic blends. www.simpledress.com

[Cyn]

Wow. I agree with the first person that left a comment. I can't believe that this is REAL wedding advice, it is AWFUL.

As a bride, yes, you need to pick and choose your battles. And sometimes attendants are unreasonable. But you have to be reasonably sensitive about the feelings of your friends - and forcing them to wear something that they feel they look awful in is not the way to treat a good friend.

It certainly does matter what she looks like - she will be in tons of pictures, be in front of tons of strangers, and sure, the bride is the center of attention, but the poor girl should at least be confident in herself. People WILL be looking at her and scrutinizing her. I hear it at weddings I go to all the time.

When I chose my colours for my bridesmaids, I carefully considered their best colours, what I know they like to wear, and looked for something I knew they will feel at ease in. It may be *our* day but to me it is important to share it with those I love and adore, and I want those people to be happy and having a good day with me, not be forced to be part of some perverse fairy-tale wedding I've dreamed up where everything is ME ME ME!

[Tameika]

Wait a minute! The bridesmaid is causing all the chaos and we are partially planning the bride and Darcy? You have got to be kidding. When you agree to participate in a friend's wedding you join in the celebration, but also agree to be a willing participant. This may mean you may have to wear a color you don't LOVE. Tough. Deal with it. I'm sure when it's your turn to get married, you will choose what you like. You can try to accommodate and get everyone's opinion, but depending on the size and temperament of the party this could be more disastrous than helpful.

And what does Darcy wearing white have to do with anything? Seriously people! It's a dead issue. Let it die. Most of us agreed she was a inconsiderate, to say the least, but my goodness that post was quite some time ago. Let it go or find another blog to read.

[Sarah]

My goodness, ladies. This attack of Darcy is really uncalled for and completely unrelated to the topic! The people who choose to be in your wedding should be good enough friends to allow you to choose a color. It's your day, not your bridesmaids'! And if your bridesmaid chooses big bird yellow dresses for her day because it fits into her Sesame Street theme, that's her choice too. You agree to be a bridesmaid because you are a friend of the bride and want to be there for her in this major turning point of her life - not because it gives you an excuse to go shopping. When you say, "Yes, I will be your bridesmaid," you do so knowing that you will have to buy a dress that you may never wear again. This signifies an agreement that you will support the bride on her big day no matter what, and that you will not knowingly cause unnecessary drama!

[Nancy Swiezy]

Twos imple words
Make-up

The right make up can help ane one wearing the wrong color dress

[Julie]

I agree with Nancy and with Darcy's response. My soon-to-be sister in law didn't seem thrilled with the yellow dress I chose for my wedding, but the show must go on!
I have been in several weddings where I thought I looked hideous in the dress (cotton candy pink with rhinestones and clear shoes), but didn't say anything because it didn't matter how I looked, just the BRIDE!

[Rose]

This is a touchy issue. On the one hand, you -the bride-want what you want and that's how it's going to be dammit! On the other hand, your friend's opinions count too--yes they do. So what's a girl to do? When I planned my color scheme, I picked out a couple of different dress styles for different body types in a color that I both loved and thought would accommodate all of my friends' skin tones: burgundy. I then emailed all of my friends the pictures of the dresses and asked them how they felt about the dresses. Only after I got their A-OKs did I plan my color scheme around burgundy. So I have happy bridesmaids who are excited to wear their dresses, which makes me a very happy bride, and I got my color scheme. The moral of the story? Take your friends' concerns into consideration first and not as an afterthought. After all, these girls are my friends first, my bridesmaids second, and I do not want ONE day to come in between our friendship in any way.

[Pamela]

I say avoid ALL the bridesmaid issues and do as they do in UK, use children as attendants. Rarely will they fuss about anything they must wear; in fact, most little girls love being in a pretty dress and being fussed over. Their mothers are usually thrilled, as well.

Child maids and ringbearers, just look so cute and lend a symbolic air to the festivities. After all, for many people marriage is about having children. My daughter was in a wedding in London and I still treasure the Liberty print dress and custom model hat she wore!