Be a good bridesmaid!

Posted by Cara Sullivan, Beauty Expert

When you're asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, you expect that you're going to be told what to wear, what to do, and where and when to show up—the list of obligations and demands is a long one, but it's all in good fun. Plus, is there anything you wouldn't do for your friends, especially a pal who's getting married? As it turns out, there is....

    "She said we have to wear SALMON colored nail polish. With peach dresses. SALMON. Could you die?!"

    "If she thinks I'm wearing red lipstick, she has another thing coming. I. Don't. Wear. Lipstick."

    "Seriously, a french pedicure?? A french manicure is bad enough! I'm not Kelly Taylor, and it's not 1993!"

That, my friends, is a sampling of the various bridesmaid beauty-related complaints I've heard from friends, acquaintances, and even strangers in nail salons (no, really) over the past few months. And here's the thing. Sometimes in life, you just have to do what you're told—and a wedding is one of those times. If a good friend asks you to wear something that doesn't exactly jive with your personal taste, remember this: It's her day, not yours, it'll be over before you know it, she'll have to do the same for you one day, and (perhaps most important) there are worse things in life than red lipstick, salmon nail polish, and French pedicures. Like this:

                                                 Loafers:                    Loafers and white tights:

A Renaissance theme:




And, worst of all, a bridesmaid dress that lets you flash your baby bump!

Seriously though, has a bride ever asked you to wear something really crazy in her wedding? Now's your chance to get it off your chest—completely anonymously, of course...

Comments

[Annie]

I had a friend who wanted us to carry parasols down the aisle. They would have been hideous at a garden wedding. This was an indoor wedding,so it would have been hideous and strange!

[The Perfect Palette]

Such a funny post!

[Colleen]

I don't understand why you're encouraging/excusing bridezilla-ish behavior. "It's her day" is just the worst possible statement to make about a wedding. It's really "their day" and still isn't an excuse to treat people like dress-up minions. Bridesmaids are already buying expensive dresses they'll never wear again, in addition to the hotel rooms, airplane tickets (and let's not even mention the labor intensive crafting hell brides seem to inflict on the bridal party). Bottom line: brides making demands are the ones straining relationships, not the bridesmaids who refuse to enable them.

Further reading on abusing bridesmaids:
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/08/02/bridesmaid_etiquette/index.html

[AnaStella]

A friend of a friend was in a wedding where the bride told them what kind of underwear she wanted them to wear. You can't even SEE someone's underwear, unless of course the reception gets out of hand.

[LPC]

Yellow gauze dress. Long. Carmen Miranda ruffle around the neck. Edged in green. And to make matters worse, I was the only bridesmaid, so I couldn't fade into the background. But that was 30 years ago. The pain has abated.

[robin]

I could never (as a bride) do this to my friends. My gratitude for their friendship and efforts to partake and help create this beautiful event would be more than enough reason to value their opinions and comfort.

[Lauren]

I'm with Colleen. It's usually not "in good fun" for the bride to make these demands, because if a bridesmaid express doubts about any of the bride's decisions, it turns into Dramafest '09. I'm all for the bride who accepts input from her bridesmaids. I've been a bridesmaid several times and won't be having bridesmaids at my own wedding to avoid any hint of resentment.

[MIdwestElle]

"And here's the thing. Sometimes in life, you just have to do what you're told—and a wedding is one of those times."

Um, no. The bride chose her bridesmaids because they are very special people in her life, not because they'll do everything she says. I've bought the dress, I've had fancy hair-dos, but if something really bothered me, I'd have to hold my ground. I knew one bridesmaid who was really uncomfortable wearing a revealing bridesmaid dress and heard of plenty of others who refused to go tanning (I'd be one of those). And I agree--all it causes is drama when they discuss it with the bride.

I would never want my bridesmaids to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable for the sake of my wedding! I want my best friends to have fun!

Best Wishes with the salmon nailpolish...

[Bella]

I've been in several weddings. Most of the time, I have loved my outfits... but the most recent time... was stressful. I was sent to the Wal-mart of bridal salons... to get my dress fitted. I tried on the two-piece set and ordered the one that the fitter said was the proper size. It was a matronly looking dress...but I didn't complain... I figured it was just one day... and we would all match. After I ordered the dress, I learned that the other honor attendent had requested to wear a different style. Her husband thought the dress looked terrible. (She was the one that helped pick the dress!) So I was stuck...but okay everyone else will be wearing the same dress... by the way... I was the honor attendant who had been the best friend of the bride since preschool and we had been college roommates...the other girl was the newest friend... who lived nearby the bride... Anyway, the dress came in and it didn't fit. I went to the alterations department in said discount mart for brides only to find that they wanted to charge one and a half times as much as the original cost of the gown to fix just the top... Based on my knowledge of dressmaking, I knew the quick fix wouldn't work! And the skirt needed a complete redo too. I ended up taking the dress to be redone by a local seamstress. At one point, I suggested that I might have to find a classic black top to make the skirt work... and was poo-pooed because it wouldn't match... meanwhile...in my mind it was the best alternative to being topless. So I arrive at the wedding, only to find that of the girls in the wedding party. There are only two of us wearing the "proper" outfit. One bridesmaid had been allowed to make a becoming top that fit her religious requirements of modestly. The other girl had spend over three hundred dollars in alterations at the local "Discount-mart" on a dress that had cost in the $140-$160 range... And we both hated the dress. It was unbecoming and uncomfortable. We felt more matronly than the modest religious dress, and frustrated that we hadn't been given the option to choose a dress when it was quite evident that we weren't all going to match anyway. It didn't make for a happy bridal party. The weird thing is that the bride was recently in her brother's wedding and decided that she hated the dress choice... She had a capelet made that went for the matron look... because the same bridal shop could not alter the dress correctly to fit her... She wore the capelet the whole reception...and it didn't match... She was a bridesmaizilla.

[Colleen]

I was just in a wedding recently where the dresses left a lot to be desired. (Think *bad* 1994 prom dress!) The boning hurt even the 19 year old 100 pound bridesmaid cause they were just such poor quality -- but we all zipped our lips and smiled at the ceremony because she was happy, and it is her day.

[Barclay]

As a bride to be (my wedding will be this November), I certainly do NOT think they are all supposed to "do what they are told" on the day of my wedding. And if somebody took that attitude with me, I wouldn't last long in their wedding party. That's completely inappropriate and rude.

My request to my bridesmaids is that they wear a floor-length, black dress, in any style & fabric of their choosing. They'll match because they'll all be in black. They'll be able to wear the dresses again. They're my friends, my sister, and my in-laws-to-be, and I want them to be happy and comfortable at our wedding.

My sister chose a style with a top that I hated, but at least it was a two-piece and the skirt was gold and full length, and I was able to reuse it at a couple other weddings where I was a guest. It SO could have been worse - the baby bump picture above says it all!

[Cara]

WOW- never thought there'd be this much of a debate : ) When I said "do what you're told" I was half-joking. Obviously if a bride asks you to wear something hideous, you're more than entitled to say no way. But if its a color you wouldn't necessarily wear, or a request to wear a certain color nail polish that you don't like, I personally don't think it's worth arguing about. That's all- phew!